Cold

TaTa is rolling around on the floor laughing - not at this cartoon (which I think is funny) but at the weather report. It seems it is going to get cold again and the meteorologicalists are warning of Arctic conditions. TaTa read further and the report stated that temperatures could go to minus 1 or 3 celcius. TaTa, for some reason, thought this was very funny and said 'have these people been anywhere near the Arctic'. TaTa says the lowest temperature she has experienced is minus 40 celcius - so she has put her skis away and put the axe back in the garage. I am sure she is part Innuit.
The reason there is no photo of me is TaTa forgot to buy batteries as she was too busy have an cartoid archery scan.
That leads me to some more word games: this time famous people with names that sound like injuries, parts of the body or diseases: Tom Bruise, Phil Collis, Penelope Bruise, Elbow John, Helena Bone-Carter ... can you think of any?

Haggis and heartburns

I apologise to all my Scottish readers as I am wishing you a Happy Burns Night one day late but I ate a little bit too much haggis. Of course you can guess my favourite poem by Mr Robert Burns. Before I tell you the photos are of Dick who is an acupuncturist - he sticks needles in people and makes them better - hah! The second photo is Wendy who is American like Barrack Obarmy and last but not least Maureen and Albert.
Now back to me. My favourite poem by Mr Burns
Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

I'm truly sorry man's dominion,
Has broken nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!

I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
'S a sma' request;
I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,
An' never miss't!

Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin!
It's silly wa's the win's are strewin!
An' naething, now, to big a new ane,
O' foggage green!
An' bleak December's winds ensuin,
Baith snell an' keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
An' weary winter comin fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell-
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro' thy cell.

That wee bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld!

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e'e.
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

Eroica

This is TaTa's friend Eroica - what a special name. All you classical music lovers will know it is Symphony Number 3 by Beethoven. Her name is Latin for 'heroic' and she is. She has spent 13 years fighting Tesco from getting into the town. She is also a writer and columnist and has just come back from Senegal. I like her.

Eroica grew up in Cameroon, Libya and Senegal and came to Great Britain when she was in her early teens. She has worked and lived in Paris, Milan and London, as a catwalk model and then as a fashion stylist and also in the advertising/film industry. She has written comedy for Radio 4’s 'Weekending' and 'Spitting Image' and was a runner-up in the Lloyds Bank/Oxford Film Foundation Screenwriting Competition with her first film script. She has published two novels 'Lucker and Tiffany Peel Out' and 'Home To Angel Cake' to excellent critical reviews. Various short stories have been published both here and abroad. She did a Creative Writing degree at the University of East Anglia and graduated in 2000. Writing ambitions were suspended for a few years whilst she brought up her young son, but she is now firmly back in the saddle! Eroica is currently writing a regular weekly column for The Telegraph called 'Notes from a Norfolk Broad' for readers both home and abroad, available online at www.telegraph.co.uk in. She also writes regular features on all aspects of Norfolk life for North Norfolk Living Magazine.

Eroica has also written two other novels and is now looking for a publisher. . .

Thank you and good night

As you can see we are all exhausted after TaTa's escapades. She says 'thank you for all the cards, flowers, presents, e-mails, phone calls, texts' and that she is taking up snowboarding. Actually her exact words were when she saw all the medication she is meant to take were 'bugger that I'm not taking them I am taking up snowboarding - I'd sooner die hurtling down a mountainside at 80kph than sit around rattling full of pills - sod the lot of them'. So if anyone has any spare snowboarding equipment please let me know because knowing TaTa she will be in the mountains before we know it getting boned out and instead of a mini-stroke will be having an ancilliary stroke and shredding the back country. CHILLAX DUDES!

Tia

I have been very upset the last few days because TaTa had to go to hospital. So I am now sleeping on her dressing gown so they can't take her away again. She had a TIA - she said she would have rather had a few Tia Marias and that hospital is horrible. I missed her very much. She said that only consolation for being in hospital was the fact that all the neurologists were very handsome.

Pigeon Pie

That Wood Pigeon has been sitting on top of the hedge for half-an-hour. I am just imagining it surrounded by some nice shortcrust pastry and a jus followed by creme brulee.

I have also received some very good vegetable/fruit/flower names for famous people from Karen in Franceland and Freda in the Shire of York: John Lemon and Yoko Onion. Then there's Banana Miscouri (y'know. . . with the heavy black specs), Nenah Cherry, Broccoli Spears.

Then there's celebrity food in general : Paris Stilton. Alan Sugar, Flan Morrison, Sar-dean Martin, and the Cray (fish) twins! How about Colin Flower? Barbara Carrotland, if we're into authors. Jefffrey Artichoke? I've thought of some more: Ringo Starfruit, Codplay, Daffy, Pineapple Cruz, Fillet Collins, and of course the famous love song Salmon Enchanted Evening! Keep them coming!

Here is a recipe for Wood Pigeon Pie:

Ingredients
2 nice fat wood pigeons
salt and pepper
250g stewing beef
250g shortcrust pastry
beaten egg to glaze
2 tsp cornflour
300ml stock

Method
1. preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.
2. Joint the birds into two breast joints and two leg joints each and stew the rest of the carcass in a little water to make stock for the gravy.
3. Cut the beef into small pieces and line a deep 20cm/8in pie dish with these.
4. Lay the pigeon joints on top, cover with water, add salt and pepper, then cover the pie dish with lid or greased paper. Place in the oven and simmer for 1½ hours.
5. Remove from the oven and raise oven temperature to 200C/400F/Gas 6.
6. Cover the pie with the shortcrust pastry, brush the top with beaten egg, put back into the oven and bake until the pastry is golden brown.
7. Make a gravy by mixing 10g/2tsp cornflour with a little cold water and add to 300ml/10fl oz of the warmed stock. Allow to thicken while stirring, season and serve with the pie.

Colin the Carrot

Here is Treacle with Colin the Carrot. Treacle takes this with him everywhere. As you can see Colin doesn't hold much interest for me. To amuse myself I have been thinking of humans who have names like vegetables - here's one: Beetrix Potter. If you can think of any let me know.
Now some interesting facts about carrots:

The carrot: Latin name: Daucus carota subspecies sativus). That's about as interesting as it gets. And just to round off this incredible blog Colin means Victory.

More Mila and Mum

Here are some more photos of Baby Mila and her beautiful Mum Carmen. Carmen and Mila are part of the ever-growing Dutchland family. When I get my passport I will be able to go and visit them. TaTa says there is a lot of boorockcracy involved but I am sure the gorgeous vet Wessel will help out.

Treacle

Here I am with Treacle guarding a box. Isn't Treacle's hair fabulous. Treacle used to be a gun dog and chase peasants in the countryside. Now he just carries round a big carrot called Colin.

Meeeeeyow!

If Muddle was a human then he would be TomCat Cruise. Meeeeyooowwww!
Now how do I get TomCat out of this box?

Fire: I'll teach you not to burn

This is how bad things are getting in Englishland. TaTa and KeKe are having to chop up the furniture to light a fire to keep us warm and cozy during the winter months.
Fire is lovely but it is also very dangerous so I have some Top Tizit Tips to keep your home nice and safe:

1. WORKING SMOKE DETECTORS can alert you to a fire in your home in time for you to escape, even if you are sleeping. Install smoke detectors on every level of your home and outside each sleeping area. If you sleep with the door closed, install one inside your sleeping area as well. Test detectors every month, following the manufacturer's directions, and replace batteries once a year, or whenever a detector chirps to signal low battery power. Never borrow a smoke detector's battery for another use - a disabled detector can't save your life. Replace detectors that are more than 10 years old. Don't do what TaTa did - she bashed all the fire alarms off the ceiling because the noise irritated her.

---

2. Plan Your Escape From Fire.

IF A FIRE BREAKS OUT in your home, you have to get out fast. Prepare for a fire emergency by sitting down with your family and agreeing on an escape plan. Be sure that everyone knows at least two unobstructed exits - doors and windows - from every room. (If you live in an apartment do not include elevators in your escape plan.) Decide on a meeting place outside where everyone will meet after they escape. Have your entire household practice your escape plan at least twice a year.

---

3. Keep An Eye On Smokers.

Careless smoking is a leading cause of fire deaths. Smoking in bed or when you are drowsy could be deadly. Provide smokers with large, deep non-tip ashtrays and soak butts with water before discarding them. Before going to bed or leaving home after someone has been smoking, check under and around cushions and upholstered furniture for smoldering cigarettes. Personally I just don't allow smoking in my house because if you want cancer - I don't.

---

4. Cook Carefully.

Never leave cooking unattended. Keep cooking areas clear of combustibles and wear clothes with short, rolled-up or tight-fitting sleeves when you cook. Turn pot handles inward on the stove where you can't bump them and children can't grab them. Enforce a Kid-Free Zone three feet (one metre) around your kitchen stove. If grease catches fire in a pan, slide a lid over the pan (or a fire blanket) to smother the flames and turn off the heat. Leave the lid on until cool.

---

5. Give Space Heaters Space.

Keep portable heaters and space heaters at least three feet (one metre) from anything that can burn. Keep children and pets away from heaters, and never leave heaters on when you leave home or go to bed.

---

6. Remember: Matches And Lighters Are Tools, Not Toys.

Matches and lighters can be deadly. Use only child-resistant lighters and store all matches and lighters up high, where small children can't see or reach them, preferably in a locked cabinet. Teach your children that matches and lighters are tools, not toys, and should be used only by adults or with adult supervision. Teach young children to tell a grown-up if they find matches or lighters; older children should bring matches or lighters to an adult immediately. Yes remember the time TaTa when you set fire to the blinds in the back room - hmmm - not only children then.

---

7. Cool A Burn.

Run cool water over a burn for 10 to 15 minutes. Never put butter or any grease on a burn. If the burned skin blisters or is charred, see a doctor immediately. Never use ice. Someone was stupid enough to tell KeKe to put butter on a burn and KeKe believed him - never ever do this.

---

8. Use Electricity Safely.

If an electrical appliance smokes or has an unusual smell, unplug it immediately, then have it serviced before using it again. Replace any electrical cord that is cracked or frayed. Don't overload extension cords or run them under rugs. Don't tamper with your fuse box or use improper-size fuses. Read this KeKe - 7 appliances off one plug socket - NO!

---

9. Crawl Low Under Smoke.

During a fire, smoke and poisonous gases rise with the heat. The air is cleaner near the floor. If you encounter smoke while you are escaping from a fire, use an alternate escape route.

---

10. Stop, Drop And Roll.

If your clothes catch fire, don't run. Stop where you are, drop to the ground, cover your face with your hands, and roll over and over to smother the flames.

Tizit: Humans were clever enough to invent fire ... maybe they should think more carefully about how they use it

And the correct answer is ......

I deserve a good long rest. TaTa and KeKe got the 'flu on Boxing Day and still have it and I have been running around making cups of tea, giving medicine, making beds, calling doctors and am well and truly tired.
Anyway for all you lovely people who tried to guess the country, guess what you are all wrong! Hahahahahaha! The actual answer is the pond is TaTa's garden.
No, no ... just kidding. 51% of you got the answer right - the rest of you just don't understand topography and the such - the answer of course is The Netherlands and the exact time and location is these are pictures were next to the a dike at Eem Spakenburg towards the Eemmeer (look it up on the map already) RudeBoy (TaTa's brother-in-heart took the photos) and he was standing on the ice with a low sun 1630/1700 hours on 1 January 2009.

So what do you win you lucky 51% - well absolutely nothing just like a BBC phone-in!

Guess the country

Now as you know us Siamese are very creative and artistic and I went on vacation recently and took these two photos - can you guess the country?

So that was Chrismess

So that was Chrismess
A time of good cheer
And now it is January
A brand new year
Chrismess was boring
Ta and Ke had the flu
But the fire was roaring
And there was turkey for two
Then on New Year's Eve
I started to sneeze
And had to see Wessel
Because of my wheeze
So that was Chrismess
A time of good cheer
All I can say is
I hope it's better this year