I want to write something again about the bravery you show Tabi by sharing this image of yourself in pain. I mentioned this last time you showed us Lupus.
It is not until you personally develop an unrelenting condition that you would have any concept of the daily struggle that life becomes - the cruelty of not being able to enjoy life fully, the moment to moment existence when it is really bad, the depression and the having to put on a brave face when inside you are sometimes just falling apart.
Until I developed Candidiasis proliferation I would not have had any concept of what people with any type of chronic illness go through. I am not comparing my condition, one can't - however, I know what it is like to have day after day when just functioning can be hard work, just finding the reason to get out of bed can be a complete mystery and the depression that makes you ask 'what's the point?". My illness will eventually go - but I will always have to be mindful of any substance I put into my body for the rest of my life. I am grateful in some ways for this experience. It has given me some understanding of what others tolerate as their quality of life.It is also making me appreciate more about my own life and I know when I am well again I will not dwell on the little things that have previously bothered me and I will Carpe Diem. I will take a leaf out of your book Tabi and make the most of every day - Live, Laugh, Love.
I have known you Tabi for about 12 years. I have laughed with you, worked with you, been on daft outings to Norwich with you, blown up cheese with you, caused havoc in the world of stamp collecting with you - I have cried on your shoulder, eaten wonderful food with you and so much more. It is hard for me to imagine how the funniest woman I know, whose bubbly, infectious nature lights up any room, whose heart is as big as a lions' and who makes things happen has been dealt this chronic illness. It's a lonely place to be hey, even if you are surrounded by people you love. No one else can live your pain, frustration, anger, suffering.
Sometimes, I just need to hear someone say 'it will be OK' even if I know that today it isn't OK. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me and let me cry. I am fighting my condition as hard as I can and I know that you Tabi, you who are such a strong woman will be fighting too and at some point you will put Lupus back into remission, and you will get through the bad days and you will embrace the better days...and there will always be butterflies.
All my love,
Your friend,
Claire xx
