Pass me the paper please. I just love Private Eye and think Ian Hiss-Slop is fab even though he has no fur on his head. Now here is a picture of my gorgeous vet. He is not trying to strangle me - I had just given him one of my special finger chews and as you can see from the smile on his face this made him very happy. He has a lovely accent and is from South Africa and has some sheep there. He said the spot in my ear could be caused by my ears folding over when I sleep or I am going through Pew-Bertie and that my hormoans are doing strange things. I let him put some cream on my ears but only under the condition I could chew another of his fingers. I now weigh 1.85 kilos - still a little less than Victoria Beckham (her husband plays football but couldn't do it this year because they couldn't find enough English players for the team because Wane Rooney is getting married, David Owen is too tired, and Gazza is not very well (I hope he gets better soon because I think he is very compassionate man) and David Beckham is too old and lives in America and has to make sure his wife has lots of jewellery and dresses because she can't sing very well. I have heard that Dutchland are playing football again tonight so thatman will be jumping up and down again. I hope van Nistelrooy plays properly this time and that the ref is not asleep. I still think rugbee is better than football.
