Blessings

These are my blessings every single day. I don't have to go half way round the world to find beauty and grace, delicious things to eat.
Sometimes the further you go the closer you get to where you have been and sometimes the nearer you are the further you are away from where you are going.
Sometimes it just right under your nose - not up in the mountains, not sailing with the clouds, not how much you can spend, not run, run, run but look, look, look, feel, feel, feel.
Can you feel it - can you feel the strawberries - the first touch to your lips a slight bristle then the feel of warm summer days and tennis balls and wimbledon and clotted cream smother your tongue.
It's not by plane, it's not by car, it's not by ship, it's not by train, it's that ride without moving, travelling lightspeed to a star without leaving the spot - exactly where you are.

Bees

To make a garden mix lavender and bees

Wheat

Green and amber and gold it grows
When the sun sinks late in the West;
And the breeze sweeps over the rippling rows
Where the quail and the skylark nest.
Mountain or river or shining star,
There’s never a sight can beat—
Away to the sky-line stretching far—
A sea of the ripening Wheat.

Festival weekend

Bodham Bash and Worstead Festival....we know how to live it up in Norfolk!

Friday

Got up 11.30
Hazel arrived 12.15
Went to Benjamin Foundation
Then to RoyBoys for fried egg sandwich and chocolate pudding with chocolate sauce and custard (shared)
Then to mobility centre and the £1 shop to buy charcoal, pencils
Then back home to mellow in the garden
Hazel went to gym
I settled in as really tired
Pain started 9pm so stuffed myself with painkillers
It is now 03:48 and I am wide awake - only another hour till dawn
Bodham Bash
Then making supper
Then hopefully sleeping
Bruise the size of bottom of a glass where they took blood - in crook of arm and back of both hands
I want to sleep but can't
Oh well!

Night times

Blood tests over for now = MRI and CAT scan to come
New painkillers that work
Seeing Hazel - talking movies, books and other things
Talking to Joan & Doug
e-mail from Michael
Being caught in the kitchen in my underpants by Hazel!
Eating a lettuce and mayo sandwich
Hope to get some sleep tonight - so so tired
I want to shoot out the orange street lights - next house no street lights outside
Watching Family Guy
Feel I am losing the fight with my disease
Roger over and out

Tough times

Off to the doctor again this morning. Pain everywhere.
I can see a one way ticket to Switzerland on the horizon if the medical professional doesn't sort this out.
The peaches are growing, Mark is roofing and Chevvie is yawning.

Relax

Terrible joint pains today.

Painkillers aren't touching it.

Off to Pain Management Clinic next week.

Otherwise it is a beautiful day - swimming in the sea again tonight.

Love being in the water.

Going for a snooze and maybe I will wake up healed.

My blissful, peaceful, unconditional loving cats...what would I do without them...they knead my aching muscles, they rest of my painful joints, they purr away my pain.

John Lennon - "Crippled Inside"

You can shine your shoes and wear a suit
You can comb your hair and look quite cute
You can hide your face behind a smile
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

You can wear a mask and paint your face
You can call yourself the human race
You can wear a collar and a tie
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

Well now you know that your
Cat has nine lives
Nine lives to itself
But you only got one
And a dog's life ain't fun
Mamma take a look outside

You can go to church and sing a hymn
You can judge me by the color of my skin
You can live a lie until you die
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

Well now you know that your
Cat has nine lives
Nine lives to itself
But you only got one
And a dog's life ain't fun
Mamma take a look outside

You can go to church and sing a hymn
You can judge me by the color of my skin
You can live a lie until you die
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside
One thing you can't hide
Is when you're crippled inside

Like children in a school yard

De Nederlanders waren pestkoppen en bullebakken te verliezen altijd.
This means: The Dutch are bullies and bullies always lose.
They thought the could bully the Spanish into submission but pride always comes before the fall and the Dutch fell hard.
It is always interesting to see how the players in a football team reflect so well the temperament of their country.
The Dutch have to learn humility and humbleness and that they are not always right and that stomping on people does not make you the stronger.
The Spanish played with great courage and emotion and they deserved to win. I only feel sad for my poor hubbie who was very upset.
Maybe in another four years when the Dutch team learns that sometimes the only way to win is to play with the heart and not with the sole intention to destroy one's opponents.
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha

Another mini-stroke

Thought it was a good idea and about time I had another mini-stroke - so I had one yesterday. Luckily not as bad as the first - the symptoms only lasted a couple of hours. When the ambulance crew told me I would need to go to the NNUH I told them I would rather take my chances on the streets of Gaza.
When asked why I did not want to go I told them:
1. Mixed wards 2. MRSA 3. Dirty 4. I like food that resembles something 5. They don't stick to Stroke Protocol 6. No open windows for fresh air 7. Keeping the temperature at a constant 60 celcius 8. No fresh fruit or vegetables 9. Hours of waiting in A&E whilst the druggies and alkies get seen first

At least on the streets of Gaza I would:
1. Be able to be respectfully dressed 2. Eat food that is edible though sparse 3. Have plenty of fresh air as the Israelis have blown out most of the windows 4. Some fresh fruit and vegetables left on some of the land 5. Have an equal chance of living or dying as I would in Norwich and Norfolk University Hospital

Luckily it was not a TIA. It was a combination of a sudden onset migraine, heat stroke, dehydration, knocking myself unconscious when falling out of bed, very low blood pressure. Thank you goddess

Orange rules!

The Netherlands v Uraguay tonight.
The future's bright, the future is ORANGE!
Nederland / Uraguay vanavond.
De toekomst is helder, de toekomst is ORANJE!!!!

Garden party

It was a beautiful day - around 26C - we started the garden party at 10am and finished at 4pm. About 50 people came and went. Cakes, cakes and more cakes! We raised money for North Norfolk Different Strokes - don't know how much yet - have to find the Treasurer! www.northnorfolkdifferentstrokes.org.uk

For all those who suffer - thank you Claire

I want to write something again about the bravery you show Tabi by sharing this image of yourself in pain. I mentioned this last time you showed us Lupus.

It is not until you personally develop an unrelenting condition that you would have any concept of the daily struggle that life becomes - the cruelty of not being able to enjoy life fully, the moment to moment existence when it is really bad, the depression and the having to put on a brave face when inside you are sometimes just falling apart.

Until I developed Candidiasis proliferation I would not have had any concept of what people with any type of chronic illness go through. I am not comparing my condition, one can't - however, I know what it is like to have day after day when just functioning can be hard work, just finding the reason to get out of bed can be a complete mystery and the depression that makes you ask 'what's the point?". My illness will eventually go - but I will always have to be mindful of any substance I put into my body for the rest of my life. I am grateful in some ways for this experience. It has given me some understanding of what others tolerate as their quality of life.It is also making me appreciate more about my own life and I know when I am well again I will not dwell on the little things that have previously bothered me and I will Carpe Diem. I will take a leaf out of your book Tabi and make the most of every day - Live, Laugh, Love.

I have known you Tabi for about 12 years. I have laughed with you, worked with you, been on daft outings to Norwich with you, blown up cheese with you, caused havoc in the world of stamp collecting with you - I have cried on your shoulder, eaten wonderful food with you and so much more. It is hard for me to imagine how the funniest woman I know, whose bubbly, infectious nature lights up any room, whose heart is as big as a lions' and who makes things happen has been dealt this chronic illness. It's a lonely place to be hey, even if you are surrounded by people you love. No one else can live your pain, frustration, anger, suffering.

Sometimes, I just need to hear someone say 'it will be OK' even if I know that today it isn't OK. Sometimes I just need someone to listen to me and let me cry. I am fighting my condition as hard as I can and I know that you Tabi, you who are such a strong woman will be fighting too and at some point you will put Lupus back into remission, and you will get through the bad days and you will embrace the better days...and there will always be butterflies.

All my love,
Your friend,

Claire xx

The face of Lupus

Remission was good whilst it lasted but now Lupus is back and it's worse but I'm still breathing. Going to look for a wheelchair this weekend as I love to go out walking with my friends but don't because I can't get very far - so will wheel instead. At the moment I feel like someone is sticking red hot needles into my tendons and stretching my muscles in all the wrong direction. But ....... there are still butterflies