Get off the telephone

To some, these four words would be painful but for me they are a liberation from emotional bondage. There are two sources of emotional bondage, ourselves and others. We cannot break free from another, however, until we are first freed from ourselves.
The relationship between the victim of emotional abuse and the victimiser is a circular relationship but interrupting the destructive circle by confronting ourselves first is the necessary sequence for liberation. Unlike physical bondage, psychological bondage is kept in place by the imprisoned.
A shocking fact, perhaps, but a fact, nonetheless. To be psychologically oppressed we must participate in the oppression and oppress ourselves. To be psychologically liberated we must choose integrity and liberate ourselves.
Once our integrity has been compromised by participating in our own abuse, we are in jeopardy. The protection of truth, fairness, caring and respect that integrity provides is no longer available to us. With my self-confidence eroded and my self-doubt and self-loathing at an all time high, I was in a very weakened position. Yet, it is only from this weakened position that I could begin my liberation journey.
The words "Get off the telephone" were a gift of freedom. But I do not presume that this is the end. Every day new choices must be made. When the familiar pattern of self-loathing, self-abuse, and self-doubt overwhelm the commitment to integrity and hope, I must pick myself up, search to discover what occurred to knock me down emotionally, and then caringly and firmly help myself up.
The path out of emotional bondage is not a straight line. It is a curved path of spirals and turns, of tears and struggle, of set-backs and discouragement. The grip of oppression is seductively inviting because of its familiarity and deception.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Sunday, Sunday

The day started with rain, rain and more rain but by the time 2pm came around the sun was out and it was one of those glorious autumn days. So we set off into the woods of Holt Country Park and, of course, got lost! Treacle didn't care whether we were lost or not because he spent most of his time charging around the undergrowth, leaping into ponds and puddles and chasing squirrels. Then we toddled off to Back to the Garden in Letheringsett for capuccinos and cake.
At 4pm we dashed to Cley Church to arrive just in time for the Advent Service. Grania's daughter Rosa was singing in the choir which was glorious but the church was so cold - so I just closed my eyes and let myself drift into the music trying to ignore my freezing bum.
Then back to Cley to thaw out in front of the fire with Jim who immediately got us playing Monopoly (I think a sign of getting older is when you can't see the prices of rents on the cards - but my eyesight did deteriorate after my mni-stroke in January). Kees, of course, being the canny accountant, won (the fact he was the banker and next to a stash of cash could have been a clue). I just did the usual - spent everything I had, sulked when Jim got Mayfair and then when he sold it to me bought loads of properties which no-one landed on and was wiped out by a Pall Mall hotel, quickly followed by Grania and then Jim graciously followed leaving Kees the smirking victor.
A lovely Sunday and now it is a glorious Monday. Cold but beautiful sunshine yet again.

Return from Retreat

Warmth, love, good food, fun, quiet, sleep all happened in Cley on Retreat.
Comfy bed, blazing fires, no computer, no mobile, no news, good books.
I'll be back! Thank you G, J and C.
Hurrah France next week!

Bye for now

Am on my to happiness, ahaahahahah. Well first a Retreat and then France. See you on 12 December. It's 19 degrees in Avignon. Bloody freezing here.

Bye for now

Am on my to happiness, ahaahahahah. Well first a Retreat and then France. See you on 12 December. It's 19 degrees in Avignon. Bloody freezing here.

Rain

Even though I hate the rain, it makes for beautiful photography. The first one I took is in Sheringham Park, the second in my garden (I used a filter and slow shutter speed) and the third fields near West Beckham just before it started to rain.

Poetry in motion

I know being prideful is not the thing but I do feel proud.
This charming, intelligent, articulate, beautiful, educated young woman chose to read one of my poems in order to gain a Drama Scholarship at a Public School.
Of all the poems in all the world she chose mine. Rosa you just don't know how honoured I feel.
I wish you so much luck and know you will get the scholarship - not because of my words which you portrayed to the Board but because of your spirit, your energy and commitment.
I applause you on choosing the International Baccalaureate route for furthering your education and know that one day you will make a great Ambassador for any international cause to which you can bring your integrity, your sense of justice and your ability of 'thinking outside the box'.
Thank you Grania for bringing such an exceptional, out-spoken, wise, witty, globally-minded, and sometimes wilful child into this world.

Today I lost Hope

Funnily enough this was not a bad thing. It has taken me 56 years to figure out that hope is just an abstract concept based on wishes and desires and not on reality. Maybe the Greeks were right when Pandora's box was opened and 'hope' was kept in as it was considered the most dangerous. Later on, of course, like all good stories, 'hope' was let out just to give humankind something to hang on to!
When one says 'I hope you get better' or 'I hope you die you evil revengeful bi*ch' what does it really mean - I prefer, from now on, to use 'accept' instead of 'hope'.
So 'I accept you are ill' or 'I accept I may or may not win the lottery' (actually I do hope I win the lottery even though I don't buy a ticket so this negates this whole statement!).
Hey ho! It's almost Christmas.

Misunderstanding...we all hear what we want to hear

Sources of Misunderstanding All communication has two parts: a sender and a receiver. The sender has a message he or she intends to transmit, and s/he puts it in words, which, to her/him, best reflect what s/he is thinking. But many things can intervene to prevent the intended message from being received accurately. In addition to how the message is sent, many additional factors determine how the receiver interprets the message. All new information we learn is compared with the knowledge we already have. If it confirms what we already know, we will likely receive the new information accurately, though we may pay little attention to it. If it calls into question our previous assumptions or interpretation of the situation, we may distort it in our minds so that it is made to fit our world view, or we may dismiss the information as deceptive, misguided, or simply wrong. If the message is ambiguous, the receiver is especially likely to clarify it for him or herself in a way which corresponds with his or her expectations. For example, if two people are involved in an escalated conflict, and they each assume that the other is going to be aggressive and hostile, then any ambiguous message will be interpreted as aggressive and hostile, even if it was not intended to be that way at all. Our expectations work as blinders or filters that distort what we see so that it fits our preconceived images of the world. Even if people speak the same language, they may communicate in different ways. Given our tendency to hear what we expect to hear, it is very easy for people to misunderstand each other. Communication is already likely to be strained, and people will often want to hide the truth to some extent. Thus the potential for misperception and misunderstanding is high, which can make conflict management or resolution more difficult. How to Avoid Misunderstanding The first is active listening. The goal of active listening, they say, is to understand the other as well as you understand yourself. Pay close attention to what the other side is saying. Ask the person to clarify or repeat anything that is unclear or seems unreasonable (maybe it isn't, but you are interpreting it wrong). Attempt to repeat their case, as they have presented it, back to them. This shows that you are listening (which suggests that you care what they have to say) and that you understand what they have said. It does not indicate that you agree with what they said, nor do you have to. You just need to indicate that you do understand them. Speak directly to the person. It helps to increase understanding. Avoid being distracted by others, or by other things going on in the same room. Focus on what you have to say, and on saying it in a way that the person can understand. Speak about yourself, not about your opponent. Describe your own feelings and perceptions, rather than focusing on your opponent's motives, misdeeds, or failings. By saying, "I felt let down," rather than "You broke your promise," you will convey the same information, in a way that does not provoke a defensive or hostile reaction from your opponent. This is often referred to as using "I-statements" or "I-messages," rather than "you-messages." You-messages suggest blame, and encourage the recipient to deny wrongdoing or to blame in return. I-messages simply state a problem, without blaming someone for it. This makes it easier for the other side to help solve the problem, without having to admit they were wrong. "Speak for a purpose." Too much communication can be counterproductive. Before you make a significant statement, pause and consider what you want to communicate, why you want to communicate that, and how you can do it in the clearest possible way. Other rules might be added to these four. One is to avoid inflammatory language as much as possible. Inflammatory language just increases hostility and defensiveness; it seldom convinces people that the speaker is right. (Actually, it usually does just the opposite.) Although inflammatory remarks can arouse people's interest in a conflict and generate support for one's own side, that support often comes at the cost of general conflict escalation.. Making one's point effectively without inflammatory statements is a better option. Likewise, all opponents should be treated with respect. It doesn't help a conflict situation to treat people disrespectfully; it just makes them angry and less likely to listen to you, understand you, or do what you want. No matter what you think of another person, if they are treated with respect and dignity -- even if you think they do not deserve it -- communication will be much more successful, and the conflict will be more easily managed or resolved. The more effort one makes to understand the person sending the message, the more likely the message will be understood correctly.

One more time for luck!

The expression says it all!

North Norfolk Different Strokes go on Strike!

We are not a particularly 'normal' group as all of us have either had a severe or moderate stroke, some form of brain injury, vascular dementia or about anything that can go wrong with the brain. As a group we believe that life is for living and regardless of our individual and sometimes complex conditions we encourage, support and challenge each other. This week we went bowling - and the three teams did marvellously. I couldn't play due to a further condition I have called Hypermobility Syndrome which means my joints can dislocate when lifting, throwing. So I was the waitress and gofer for the night.
The first photo shows my hubbie receiving the overall champion cup - he hasn't had a stroke but we don't discriminate against the able-bodied! Gilly (looking on with a glint in her eye is a carer for her husband Steve making the cross sign who has vascular dementia) is determined to win the cup next time.
In the second photo is Sally who is the wife/carer of Norman who, before his stroke and brain injury, was a seismic and hydrographic surveyor.
The third photo is my friend Grania and her son Jim.
Next is Douglas who astonished all his consultants by walking, talking and now swims 3 miles a day in the local pool.
In the last photo is Michael - Dr of Oriental Languages with the most wicked sense of humour. He was the only one who almost ended up in A&E when he dropped a bowling ball .5cms from his foot!
Otherwise all were safe (I had to get Chris out of the men's loo - he had a brain injury which causes spasmodic memory loss and he had gone into the loo to drink his pint of lager and had forgotten where he was!). I also had to round up Joan, Sandra and a few others who seemed to prefer being at the bar rather than on the lanes.
I must admit that these are the greatest bunch of people I have had the pleasure to meet and be with. We rarely talk about our various conditions but if we need to we can. The whole group just gels together and it is wonderful. And Michael stop patting my bottom!

Happy birthday Jess, Carmen and Mouez!

Happy birthday Jess
Hartelijk gefeliceteered Carmen
أدخل النص إلى ترجمة هنا Mouez
love Tab

In Remembrance

I dedicate this blog to my uncle-in-law Willem Cornelis van der Does. Willem was the brother of my father-in-law (who was a Conscientious Objector).
When Willem left the family home he moved to Warmond where he joined the Dutch military. Disillusioned with the war and suffering he decided to go to France to join the Dutch Resistance. Tragically he was captured by the German military in northern France and after spending three months in prison was executed by firing squad in Dijon, France aged 31. With him were Willy Olland (22), Jacob van Assenberg (22), Laurent van Leleuwen (22) Gustave Joelkas (17), Charles Jean-Laurey (22), Jendri-Alexandre de Beaufort (27), Richard Delamaar (22), Victor-Lucas Makatita (23).
After the war he was granted the Croix de Guerre Met Palmen 1939-1945 by the French and the Verzelsherdenkingkruis (Cross of the Resistance Fighters) by The Netherlands.

Fireworks!

The weather was perfect.

My friends Sheena and Mike get married!!!!

Mike and Sheena get married. Sheena surprised everyone by wearing a traditional dress and accompanied by a chimney sweep she shimmied down the aisle.
Mike used to be a professional wrestler who, along with his brother Dave, were called The UK Pitbulls. Bulk (Mike Waters, born 1978) and Big Dave (Dave Waters, born 1971). Their motto was "if we don't beat you, we eat you!".
They held a considerable number of titles in the UK and the USA. Their career as a tag team ended when Dave Waters sustained a crippling injury in a strongman contest which left him in a wheelchair.
They are 20 time Tag team champions.
Mike is a drummer in the band Pocket Godzillas having also made a success of his first band Spot.
Their next gig is 7 November at King Eddie's in Norwich. If you have sensitive ears take earplugs - not only could Mike do serious damage in the ring, he does serious damage to his drum kit and anyone within a click!

Mirrors, meals and moggies

Bought one of those fab mirrors from the 1950's I think - the convex ones with swiling vine leaves - very kitsch. Would love to have a house with themed rooms starting from the 1950s until now. Maybe the next one.
The wonderful wise woman of Limoges ... how I treasure how - she's one of those people you come across once in a lifetime. The Celestine Prophecies are on their way. I listened to your words, acted on them and voila - success. I hate faffing around when people take their time and energy to guide you and then don't act upon it or at least try it out.
It's a beautiful sunny day again today - cold and bright - just like a real autumn.

Still searching for Madeleine

http://ceop.police.uk/madeleine/madeleine.asp

All you need is stuff and cats