Days in the life of Tabi's desk

Desk: 'I'm a bit annoyed because I wanted to come back as a velvet cushion in a Parisian apartment except I come back as an Argos desk in Norfolk. I'm never kept tidy, have stains all over me, bits of oil paint and am expected to hold up all kinds of things whether I like it or not. I don't even have any drawers. I have to endure the constant drone of the computer-thing, cats sitting on me and the fear of being replaced by something from Ikea. What did I do in my past life to deserve this I ask you'.