I love the water. Usually I’d be too busy to sit down and watch rivers, canals, lakes or the sea. I called a friend whose husband said she was canoeing and would be spending the night camping on an island. That day we went canoeing and I saw dragonflies, kingfishers and drifted around in the water. Nothing seemed real and I felt suspended in an altered state of being.
I couldn’t write about Tizit. To write about something gives me distance. As long as I didn’t write about Tizit she was still close by. I then began to receive the healing power of compassion. An honest outpouring from people who wrote e-mails and called. It was the people who asked no questions about what had happened - it was those who just expressed hope. One person almost pushed me over the edge with her persistent questions on what had happened - she just could not understand I couldn't talk about it. Another friend called round recently holding a beautiful flowers: delphiniums and sunflowers. She said 'For Tizit - the blue delphiniums for her eyes and the sunflowers for her beautiful spirit".
During this time, my tears would come as easily as the memories of Tizit. Tears are healing. They flow from our heart where we hold our feelings. I stayed with my sadness. I shared it with others and received comfort because they too have had sadness. This time of grieving is giving me a new way of looking at life; it has become my travelling companion as I aim to live more compassionately. I am learning that sadness enhances us as humans. It means we have the ability to love deeply. It is this love that will never die. My love for Tizit will never die.
