For very personal reason I have chosen Motor Neurone Disease as my May charity. You can donate on www.mndassociation.orgDespite warnings from friends and acquaintances and being twice as old as I was the last time I skied, two-thirds less fit, two times heavier, and living with a degenerative disease I toddled off to Milton Keynes Sno-Zone with two friends Gary (luckily a physiotherapist) and Jamie (one who has snowboarded for years).
There I was resplendent in spandex, a knee brace, a rather unbecoming crash helmet, cool shades, knee pads, elbow pads and enough body armour making me look like a G20 policethug.
Having skied and langlaufed many times (about 28 years ago) I have been used to going forward and being able to lift my legs.
Lesson number one on a snowboard is ignore the instinct to step forward when just about ready to take off - I did try to step forward and ended up head first in the snow (hence the crash helmet).
It just seemed to go against all instincts to launch myself down a slope on a piece of fibreglass without moving my feet, pointing my body forward and my knees sideways.
It took me a while to stand up and convince my feet not to move and then I was off.
Off is a good thing, not being unable to manoeuvere is not such a good thing - that's when knees, hips and various other bodily parts come into play - none of which seemed to want to work in unison so again flat on my back, my face or crashing into the instructor.
I thought this sucks.
I don't have a clue how I did it but on trying again I fell backwards, slid for a bit, then flipped over (how?!?!) and landed back on my head - nice move.
Two friends in stitches.
Gary and Jamie are at the top of the photo - I am the blot on the landscape at the bottom of the slope and no, the man to left of the photo is not peeing up against the wall.
I don't even what to mention the mechanical going up the hill thingys - let's just say entanglement, falling off, being dragged and humiliation.
Another while and my brain worked out the various body parts needed and I was off again.
Again off was good, manoeuvering was more luck than judgement, then it was stop.
I found crashing into one the snowboarding jumps, into the sides, other people and the bottom bit was effective but painful.
Luckily at the end of the hour I could do all the things I was meant to do but slowly.
I have found that my centre of gravity is nowhere near I thought it was - maybe it's something to do with women having boobs - but mine was found leaning slightly backwards - just enough not to cause the board to rock but also tilting the pelvis slightly forward and leaning into the knees (but not like in skiing - a bit more languid). Flailing my arms also helped with balance but screaming and swearing didn't.
The next day my knees hurt, my back hurt, in fact everything hurt ....but I am addicted.
So it's off to the physio to be put back together again and a nagging session from the neurologist.
So next time I am going to snowboard for two hours.
Life is for living even if it involves pain.
If you are looking to learn to ski, snowboard or any other type of snow bound activity then the Sno-Zone at Milton Keynes is well worth a look.
You wouldn’t expect to find such good snow in the UK, let alone in the middle of Milton Keynes.
I heard from other snowboarders that it is the best indoor snow centre in the UK.
I haven't seen such good snow this side of Ottawa.
The staff are friendly and helpful with qualified instructors for anyone who wants to learn.
You can pre-book lessons (either personally or as part of a group).
The prices are fair and you can hire everything you need to learn from the centre at the time.
